Moon crystal power, make up!!

Power goes to those who has the money. And money goes to those who have powers.

But what we're missing here is that the power everyone (or most of us) have been longing to have is merely superficial and temporary. If you really wish to win it then you must also be prepared on the responsibilities that it demands. 

I started writing this way back 2010. I can't even remember the drive or motive of starting such prose. I stopped when it started to look like an introduction to a known multi-level markerter's biography.

Just now, a series of dreadful events came out of nowhere. While these do not involves me or any of my immediate family, it cannot be helped that I get not affected. I do not want this to be a spiritual post but I can't help realizing that whatever happens, we must realize that we are not empowered. We must be very much convinced now, that things could be taken away from us in a snap. Seldom that I was convinced that as powerless creatures, we could be just part of a trick.

Ayos. 

Napagtanto mo na ba na ang talatang ito'y naglalayong paigtingin ang lakas ng loob ng mga tao, lalo pa't sila ay tama at may malinis na hangarin.

Pasok sa panga ang update na 'to. Sariwang sariwa pa mula nung huling linggo. Nakalimutan ko lang mag log in. Pasensya. 

Sa panga dahil sa araw na nangyari 'to, yung mga kasama kong tao, gustong suntukin sa panga yung kung sinuman yung mga yun.

Sabi nga ng matalik kong kaibigan, kung may problema ka sa katabi mo at hindi mo sinabi at naiirita ka, (halimbawa: maingay), hindi mo maaaring isisi ang irita mo sa taong katabi mo dahil malamang, hindi nya alam at hindi mo din kasi pinaalam.

Gano'n na nga ang nangyari. Nakasakay sa malamig na moda ng transportasyon (FX). Sa oras na lahat ay pagod at nais nang umuwi, natural lamang ang magnais umidlip habang nasa biyahe.

Dalawa sa siyam na pasahero ang may kanya kanyang kausap sa kani-kanilang telepono. Walang paligsahan, ngunit animo'y nagpapalakasan ng volume at hagikhikan.

Pagbigyan. Marahil, tatlong taon na, nung huli nilang nakausap yung mga taong yun sa kabilang linya. Dala ng damdamin kung bakit yung isa (#1) ay halos ipagkalat na ayaw niya dun sa huling ni-reto sa kanya para maka-blind date kasi daw may something. Nagawa pa nga nila mag-three way-call at nasa Cubao Ilalim kami nung maghe-hello? hello? siya dun sa kausap niya. Natural, mawawalan ka ng signal!

Sunod naman ay si tao bilang 2. Problemado naman ang istorya ng buhay niya. Bread winner 'ika nila, ang katayuan niya sa pamilya at gano'n na lamang ang sama ng loob niya sa mga kapatid niyang hindi marunong tumayo sa sarilin nilang mga paa.

Maingay. Nakakairita. Aaminin ko, apektado din ako kahit ayaw ko makinig. Ngunit wala ni isa ang nagrereklamo, tingin lang ng tingin sa direksyon ng kinauupuan nila. (Bakit ba kasi magkahanay pa sila ng upuan? Imbyerna siguro yung dalawang taong pinagitnaan nila). Lilingon, titingin sa katabi (sa akin) at saka iismid. Hanggang sa matapos ang 36 minutes (siguro! nilang usap: mula SM Megamall A hanggang Trinoma under moderate-heavy traffic), isang babae ang lumingon. Lumingon at bumulalas ng "Hay naku". Hanggang nagsisunuran na lahat ng katabi kong babae. Mga labinlimang "tsk" siguro narinig ko kasama na din yung galing sa tsuper.

Hindi pa din natitinag si tao bilang 1. (si #2, nilingon ko na at nasabihan ng "pakihinaan ng kaunti" kaya nagpaalam na din sa kausap). Hindi niya alam, na siya ang punterya lahat ng "tsk" dahil wala namang nagsasabi sa kanya. Sabihin na nating akala niya dahil traffic kaya badtrip yung mga tao o baka unang beses niya makapag 3-way call kaya hindi niya napapansin lahat ng nasa paligid niya.

Anim na tao na nagtiis ng tatlumpu't anim na minuto. Naiparating ko ang mensahe sa isa sa dalawang maiingay na tao. Nagsalita. Naglakas loob. Nanguna ngunit walang sumunod. Inulit ko na lang: "Miss, pakihinaan yung boses mo." Saka lamang sila nagsisalita. Animo'y palitan ng "Peace be with you" sa simbahan, ngunit sa pagkakataong ito, lahat ng reklamo ultimong, sa pagkaistorbo sa tulog, hindi nakatulog, naiingayan, lahat lumabas. Ni isa sa mga ito'y hindi napansin ni tao bilang 1 ngunit masasabi ko'ng wala sa kanya ang problema. 

Dead Lock

Remembered the first time I walked into a meeting as a presider. Wow! I can't explain the mixed emotions of nervousness, excitement, pressure etc.

The big bosses were around and I needed to to go back to my desk to get some paper works and was the last person to enter the conference room.

The boss then asked me to close the door. And so I did. Much to my surprise, all of them were giggling as I pushed the door knob into its place.

The boss then said: I only asked you to close it, not to Lock it!

It was very shameful to be acting that weird. 

A supposedly suppressed thought

I really find this suitable to be posted. I'm quite surprised that I was even able to made myself aware of this embarrassing experience I had way back when I was a fresh man. I thought I have enforced this to be forgotten.

Those were the same days as the first time commuters would go home in groups to share the same jeepney ride home. Those days when orange skies roof children who would trip on random houses to disturb them by continuously knocking on their doorbells and would run like crazy horses. Days when your nerdy classmate would intentionally bump into a not so cheap looking car to make it wang its emergency alarm exempting the fact that the vehicle is parked within a hospital's lot. Who would ever miss the tokneneng days and gulaman, the unripe mango with bagoong even singkamas at the cost of P1 (which I never really liked).

Unfortunately, those were the same days as heavy traffics causing jeepney drivers to cut their trips to Mindanao avenue. Resulting long waits to these midgets.

It was a usual afternoon when our group decided to ride in a single jeepney. We waited forever to catch one that would ensconce the varying size of our buns. All were happy to be in the same vehicle. We had all of our fares settled with the driver. Then comes to my friend's stop, I knew he would be alighting as he was always the first one. I volunteered to signal the driver. As soon as the magic word left my mouth:


"PARA" 

Nobody moved. I hid that facial expression but I wanted to inquire why no one is moving? Even the jeepney's not.

I looked at my friend and asked him, "Ba't di ka pa bumababa (Are you not going?)"

He answered, "May pupuntahan ako sa bayan e. (I needed to go to the town market)"

I can't believe his revelation. The driver does not have a lifetime to wait until the right passenger gets off the vehicle, I can't move but (I think) everyone needs my reasoning out for such action.

I hid all emotions inside. I reached a decision. I exclaimed: "Dito kasi ako bababa e, pupuntahan ko yung tita ko (I'm heading to my aunt's house, I'm getting off now.)

Then it was a common scenario. An alighting passenger passing you.

And what was the consequence of my assuming act?

Is your answer: You took the next jeepney ride to take you home?

Mine is: I waited several minutes for their jeepney to get farther. I am a student and I am given an exact allowance for my daily expense, I do not have extra cash to take me home, I walked 1.8 kilometers and got home hungry and thirsty.

I never did this again. Not even out of courtesy.

Di matahimik

Maari mo bang tukuyin ang kaibahan
Sa pagitan ng utak at kawalan
Kung yaring isip mo'y hindi nakatam
Sarili mong wika'y di mo alam

Ikahiya't sukatin ng minsan pa
Galing at husay sa pagaanalisa
Kakayahang pangkabuuang gamit ka
Gayong noon pa'y kay tagal ka nang sinusuka

Isang araw ako'y nagsulat
Di na mahagilap kahit sa hinagap
Nalimot na'ng aking unang lasap
Maintindiha't makapagpahayag

Hinugot at saka napagtanto
Ako lang at ako, pati tayo
Kumitil. tumigil at sumiil
Sa naturang wika, sariling atin

Claustrophobia

I woke up in tears this afternoon from a horrible nightmare. Guess my ate's (sister's) trait of having nightmares after watching horror films is contagious.

Dreamt of a place where in such dimensions a person who just recently died ca use a temporary body (looking identical as him/her) to run his unfinished errands. It was my parents who told me that I already passed but I can't remember their reaction. They were more busy attending to the arrangement of my wake. I still can't believe of what I've heard. It felt like a usual thing for people around me to see one's corpse on one side while popping out the news to the body on the other side.

It was horrific to see my corpse. It was kept on a wooden box. One can tell that my body's been through a strong impact, from the way my arms and legs are angled (I still get goose bumps as I write this)

I died in an elevator accident. I died with my eyes opened. My tongue protrudes as if it was the last means of gasping breath.

I thought of those 2 persons celebrating their birthday at the same date as the Virgin Mary's. They were the first two persons who should know I am gone. I was crying as my time's limited... very limited. It was difficult to get out of the streets keeping in mind this is my today's task.

You guys know exactly why I am sharing this. Time flies. There will be a certain time it will permanently crash down. Fasten your seat belts. Now.

(from FB account)

Sige ng sige

Oh yes.

Gumagana, bumubukakad at nagkakasaysay
Mga oras na gising ang diwa upang magsalaysay

Kay sarap singhalin mga kwento't kathang isip
Ibahagi sa daigdig, regalong bukas at pasalin salin.

Unang sigaw sa brgy. kwak kwak

There's not much to include on this note.


Kinailangan ko lang talaga ng cedula para makuha ang back pay mula sa nagsara kong kompanya. Syempre, bukas na un releasing, to kinailangan kong paabutin ng one day before deadline bago ako pumunta sa barangay.


Pagkatapos na pagkatapos ng 2 PM shift ko, matiwasay akong umuwi para kumuha ng cedula sa barangay hall.


P87 na lang pera ko, menos $15 para sa bus, bale P72 pa. Alam kong aabot, mura lang yun (kaso mura yun, nung estudyante pa 'ko and that was 5 years ago)


"WALA NA PONG CEDULA"


hindi pa s'ya nakontento, meron pa sa loob.


"WALA NA PONG CEDULA"


Sige. Punta na lang ako sa mini city hall. P72 menos P8 para sa jeep, P64.


CEDULA:

Unemployed: P 67.10
Student: P 6.10
Senior Citizen: P6.10


Mangiyak ngiyak ako dahil pasado alas tres y medya na. Umuwi man ako, alam kong di na ako aabot. Nilakasan ko na ang loob ko at lumapit sa isang babae na naghihintay nang Mayor's permit nya.


"Ate, puwede po bang manghingi ng P11, galing pa po kasi ako sa barangay ______, kaso walang cedula doon, ngayon po kinulang yung pera ko, wala po kasi akong trabaho e. Sorry po talaga."


"Ahhh."


"Teka. Ayos lang po ba, kasi wala po talaga kong extra.."


"Okay lang, nangyayari din naman sa'kin yan."


"Ate salamat, po talaga, saka sorry."


Agad akong tumakbo sa counter ng cedula at inabot ang bayad, mangiyak ngiyak pa ko habang binibilang yung pera. Sabi ko, "Kuya, ayan, sakto yan, nanghingi pa ko doon sa babae kasi galing pa ako barangay hall namin, kinulang tuloy pera ko.


"Naku, student ka na lang, P6.10"


Wala talaga kong intensyong impluwensyahan sya, nagpaliwanag pa ako ng onti pero nagalit sya. Wag na daw ako magsalita kung hindi ibabalik nya sa P67.10.


Sobrang pasasalamat ko kay kuya, ibinalik ko na yung P11 ni ate at nagpasalamat ulit.


Naalala ko yung turon na nakita ko sa side walk, pagpunta ko dun, banana cue na lang yung natira.


Nauwi ako sa tokneneng, sa kwek kwek.


Ngayon, di pa din narerelease yung back pay. Number 54 ako. 12:35 PM na, kahit Number 1 di pa nila naaasikaso.

A glimpse

And as I ascend to the calvary of relief, she gave me that nodding look as if I had an obligation to feed her.

I looked away and wanted to exclaim to her whether what I might have given her will keep her from begging alms.

Would you even think I would take a train home if I have gotten a precious life back there?

NO!

kanya kanya talaga nang trip.

Chronicles of a guilt

9/12
You're just another guilt trip
One that I'll deal in a matter or two secs
One I'll contemplate within the next few minutes

Then forgets...

But with this, you will never be forgotten
I stared back, without you being aware
I want to know how come you never tried finding a decent job?

Does it even make you weary when I don't hand out a single penny?
Does it change you if I reach on my pocket?

I got goose bumps..

The sight of your dirty hands

I got goose bumps...

Will you be entrusting your life with that single hand?

I still have these goose bumps...

Perhaps another guilt trip...

9/16

Will you be looking to every person passing you by?

What if there are millions of them?

Will you take your chance of winning their sympathy?

Will you beg for alms? Forever?

9/20

Will what I give you keeps you from coming back tomorrow to this spot?

(Oldest)
I have always had this thought that for some cases, you needed to keep something deadly in order to survive.

In General

'Pagkat ang pinaratanga'y pinaparusahan
At ang siyang hustisya ay kanyang kamatayan
'Pagkat ito ang nararapat sigaw ng masa
At sa isang kurap lilipas, waglit na sa alaala


'Pagkat ang nagparusa ay uusigin
At ang kanilang buhay ay waring mali't pasanin
"pagkat dito ngayo'y konsensya'y paiiralin
At sa magpahabang buhay sa alaala'y sasariwain


For the doomed shall be punished
And their death would mean justice
For this is how, thought of the masses
And in a snap all shall be forgotten


For the punisher shall be haunted
And their life would mean wrong prejudice
For this is how, nature of madness
And in their lifetime all shall be a living memory 

gratitude

Salamat kay __a_n
sa pagbubukas ng aking natutulog na kamalayan
Iyong napagtagumpayang kami'y muling ilisan
Sa mapanlinlang na birtuwal na aming kinasasadlakan

Muli mong binuhay
Galing sa hibernation, sa kakahuyan
Tuloy  ngayo'y uhaw
Handa nang tugisin ang maya maya'y hapunan

Sa mga gaya kong makata
ang nais koy itong simpleng diwa
Kung saan lahatan ang punla
walang pinipiling lupa

Paano'y pare- parehas tayo ng simula
Katapusan nati'y iisang sunog na sungka
Dasal ko'y pumanaw tayong ganap
Maipamalas ang tatas bago pa man sa marmol
pangalan nati'y maitala...

rejection

Let's start today with rejection, how will you feel?

Definitely not a very good morning, right?

But do you know that we are being rejected without us knowing it? Whenever you call up for a jeepney or a tricycle then the driver won't stop to load you because his vehicle's already full, then that's rejection!
You add a hottie in face book, she saw it and declined it. You're rejected without you being notified, REJECTION!

So what am I trying to point out here. What I'm saying is that you'll never grow unless you face your fear.

And how did fear ever surfaced in the topic?

The reason is simple, fear of rejection caused people to fear PUBLIC SPEAKING. They are too afraid of getting rejected that they would rather be in the corner listening rather than being the one who is speaking.

FACT: Most of people would prefer dying than facing their fear of  public speaking. They do believe that if they don't talk, no one can see them making mistakes. Well, believe me my friend, nothing will ever be brought to you unless you do something. Keep on doing nothing and you'll definitely will get nothing.

Like what most people would say: "there's always a first time for everything."
What I want to tell you once you decided to face your fear of being rejected? Well, today is your lucky day 'cause you're about to overcome your greatest fear.

Magandang madaling araw sa sinta kong bayan..

One of my attributes

Siguro takot lang talaga ko sa rejection kaya ganito nanaman ang takbo ng metro ko.

Kelan lang, power na power ako , ngayon heto ulit.. Daig ko pa naubusan ng gasolina.

Olrayt. Hindi naman sa sumusuko na ako, kailangan ko lang tanggapin sa sarili ko na hindi pa 'ko handa, sa usaping pang- pinansyal. Ika nga nila, manipis pa ang bulsa para pumasok sa mga ganyan, Ipon muna bago yan.

Ngayon, wala na akong pakialam kung anong magiging tingin sa akin ng mga tao, kung pagtawanan ako ng mga kumpanyang inalisan ko sa kadahilanang : "I want to look for a greener pasture."

Wala na din akong pakialam kung anong sasabihin ng mga kaklase kong minsang naging proud sa akin dahil isa 'ko sa mga naunang umangat, (o baka naman wishful thinking ko lamang iyon?). Kung sa bagay, nagre-resurface lang naman siguro yung Law of Gravity sa akin. Anumang tumaas, paniguradong bababa.

Ang nasa isip ko na lang ngayon e bayaran lahat ng utang na ginawa ko nung nag astang prinsesa ako sa loob ng isang buwan, mag ipon para sa pangarap kong negosyo at MAGSIMULANG MULI. Square one ulit. Ayos lang, inalat talaga ko dun sa nakaraan e.

Dami ko pang kimi sa katawan, dito rin naman pala ang hantungan ko. Ang magising, sa nagmumurang KATOTOHANAN.

Bakit nga ba?

Bakit nga ba kumuluntoy ang noon na'y sumisibol kong damdamin para sa'yo?


Sino bang humatak sa akin palayo? Sino yung nagtulak sa akin para bitawan ka?


Salamat at hinintay mo kong minsan pa'y muli kang diligan nang aking atensyon, paniniwala, at respeto. Hindi sapat ang talang ito para patunayan sa lahat na ako'y naghahangad muling umusbong, ngunit sa iyo, nauunawaan kong isang salita lamang o daing, agad ako'y sasaklolohan at sasagipin sa aking kinasadlakan. 


Ikaw lang talaga ang aking sandigan, ang pinakamalakas at pinakamatigas!


kapit sa matigas!

Maligayang past-ko

Bakit napili ng mga nakatatandang gawing Disyembre ang pasko? Malapit sa pagpapalit ng taon ng ating kalendaryo? Minsan tuloy, napagiisa ko na lang un nararamdaman kong lungkot..


"It's the best time to look back, well, maybe not the best, but there's a tendency for us to feel nostalgic when a year's about to end." 


(wala naman talaga akong kakampi pagdating doon) 
12.25.2010 21:47


Ang nakalipas na mga buwan ay punong puno ng pagsubok. Palagay ko nga, ang taong 2010 ang siyang humubog ng husto sa'kin, sa amin. May mga bagay na masaya, may malungkot at mayroon din namang dapat na lang itago at ibaon sa limot.


Kung tatanungin ako kung handa ako? Sa mga buwelta sa'kin ng mga desisyon ko sa taong ito?


Hmmpphhh...


Hindi sa iba, at oo sa nakararami... Mas matibay na ko ngayon, sana kayo rin. 

Sa mga nagpapakadakilang manggagawa..

Some food for the soul

It’s not the intellect that makes people successful, it’s the common sense. You need to think like the streets mark. You need to be wise.

There’s no such thing as perfect job, there’s no such thing as perfect boss, there’s no such thing as perfect company, but there is what we call HARDWORK. All you need is a strong back and a sound mind.

Wala talagang perpektong tao

Kahit ang pinakamamahal mo, ang inaakala  mong pinakamagaling at tinitingala mo. At kapag dumating na nga yung panahon na mayroon siyang gagawin na hindi kanais nais, hindi mo naman magawang magalit. A part of you is hurting but another part is trying to understand why. In the end, it will be you against your values.

Dagdagan ko na lang next time.

A Jester’s Emotional Sagacity

by Jeffrey Deyto  Friday, March 02, 2007

( http://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewPoetry.asp?AuthorID=52392 ) White as a cloud Never imagined the light I have found I never knew it just when I turned around I saw a face that plays a beautiful sound In a world so cold You stood before me and reached my hand to hold Time had passed me by but I don’t mind As long as you are with me and say you’ll be mine You’ll never realize the joy you bring to me You wake me up from my fantasy You are my only reality You’ll never knew how much you mean to me Joyful voices that I never hear Are singing with me every time you are near A melancholy of the things I have done You sing a rhapsody that I’ve never sung For I’m just a clown But you don’t let me down You raised me up and said, “at least I have tried” In every time I fall when I try to fly I wish that you would feel the same I wish that I could win this game I’m ready to wait for sometime or even a lifetime And I’ll be grateful to die if love is a crime

Moonbeam

by Jeffrey Deyto Friday, March 02, 2007 ( http://66.220.11.194/visit/viewpoetry.asp?AuthorID=52392&id=183704 )

Moonbeam bursts into the twilight Our day have passed and here comes the night I love it when my shadow comes alive Darkness of my thoughts where my consciousness dives Under the moonbeam sky, where my home lies Are my dreams and promises, and so my lies Alone I cry and people did not take a damn The one who understands truly is the MAN Sometimes, I’ve said unto thee That my shadow could be the real me ‘Cause he used to sit beside me and dream, Under the moonbeam sky where we won’t scream